When I visit WBL with my big family about two years ago, I feel happy. Because rarely me and my family go out together. By a car, at 9 am me and my family ready to leave. During our trip, drop in a stall for lunch. We arrived in WBL about at 12 am. When we arrived in there, so tired. My mother, father, sister, cousin, etc are my big family. We’re begin to do a trip, around WBL. Me and my cousin really enjoy it. Almost all play ground can we ride. For example, space shuttle is one of play ground which we can ride. When my mother, my sister and me ride it, we feel tense and afraid enough, because it can make our heart fall. But, I think it’s so great and earnest. I have a challenge experience.
I hope someday, I can visit WBL with my big family. It’s so interesting, when I can play with my cousin and my sister. There are beautiful enough, although it’s so hot. But, I really enjoyed it. Even, if I can be a success women, I want to build a tourism object which many play ground, park of flower, food court, etc. WBL has food court too. So, when we’ll go home, we can find many food court. Not only that, but also there are many interesting place like souvenir place, distro and many more, I like it.
13 komentar:
By : Yulia Primita Sari
120810494G
- I think your topic sentence about first paragraph is good enough, but second paragraph and third paragraph still not good.
_ I think, you aren't describe about your trip but you have to describe jatim park (WBL) because your title is about WBL.
- About your grammar, I think your grammar still trere is mistake although I'm little know about grammar.
for example :
1. When I visit WBL with my big family about two years ago
I think preferable (When I visited WBL with my big family about two years ago).
2. We’re begin to do a trip
I think preferable (We began to do a trip)
3. etc
hey elok,
your paragraph is quite great.
but you made some mistakes in grammar.
the first sentence in first pargraph, it should be;
> East java is popular with its tourism object.
in the second paragraph, you tell about your past experience. So, the sentences must be in past form.
that's all from me,
Damasti Amandara
120810185G
Hey Elok..
I think your writing is quite good.
You shouldn't write about your interesting experience in WBL, but you should type about WBL. How WBL looks like..
But so far your language is easy to understand..
Commented by : Rulyana (120810439 G)
By the way,,,thanks for your comment in my blog....
your writing is very interesting to read,,because you had explained a lot about JatimPark,,and you also describe it,,,,
i thinK there's some mistake in your writing,,but so far your writing is easy to understand(like comment of rullyana)
commented by:Karina.R
your paragraph good enough
but you should describe WBL clearly
Hii elok!!!!
:)
Your paragraph is quiet good i think.
But there are a lot of mistake in your paragraph.
" There are so beautiful " it's wrong. What the meaning of that?
I think you should write that place so beautiful.
There are a lot of mistake with your grammar,You should change little to be more better than before.
But never mind,You should need more practice.
Commented by :Pratiwi Ramandita 120810487G
Hello elok....
This is my comment...
I think your writing is quite good
Because you made some mistakes in your grammar.
But so far your writing easy understanding for me...
And don't forget comment my blog yach....
That's all
120810492G
when i read ur first paragraph i'm very interest u explain n describe about WBL very well, but why u using naration in second paragraph.
i hope u will repair ur paragraph.
nadz-hometown.blogspot.com
so far your paragraph is good enough ..
but there are some mistake with your paragraph like " there are so beautiful" it should be "there is so beautiful "
but you describe clearly ..
that's all ..
(120810489G)
i think your paragraph is enough good
but you should use description paragraph only for describe that place,
don't use naration paragraph or your opinion in your paragraph.
i hope you can edit your paragraph again..
by:wildania
i think your paragraph is good
and you tell about your writting clearly and detail.^_@
i think your writing about this toursim object is enough, but why you write about your experience too??
hopely you can do better next time..
I think you make mistake in the second paragraph.
When I visit WBL with my big family about two years ago, I feel happy.You should write "When I was visit........"
Commented by :Dea
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